A child’s ability to manage stress, their relationships, feel confident, and motivate themselves later in life has a lot to do with their early childhood experiences. These early childhood experiences set the foundation for communication skills and behaviors that individuals carry forward into their adult lives. Positive experiences foster effective communication, while negative or lacking experiences may lead to challenges that individuals may need to address through learning and personal development efforts later in life.
Here are a few tips to navigate effective communication with your child and build a strong bond.
- Active Listening
If you want your child to grow into a good listener, show them what that looks like and be a good role model of this behavior. Make the time and take the time to listen to them. I know that life gets busy between drop offs, pick ups, meals to be made, and errands to be done however, when we are parents don’t make the time to actively listen we send the message to our children that what they are saying isn’t important.
Tips
- If you have a jam packed schedule- schedule 1:1 time to sit and talk with your child. It is better to schedule it and make sure it happens versus hoping it would happen and it does not.
- Resist the urge to correct their grammatical errors and slang terms. Unless they are derogatory and offensive– just let it go.
- Show that you are listening by actively responding, making eye contact, and even throw in a head nod every now and then so your child knows you are engaged.
- Respect their Perspective
Acknowledge your child’s opinion and perspective, even if you don’t agree with them. Remember the goal is to get our child to think for themselves, not to think just like us. As our children get older they will develop their own sense of right and wrong, their own morals and ethics, and really begin to discern who they are as an individual.
Tips
- Acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions, even if you don’t fully understand or agree with them. Statements like “I see that you’re upset about this” or “It sounds like this is really important to you” show that you respect their feelings and viewpoints.
- Create an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and opinions without fear of judgment or immediate correction. Allow them to share their perspective fully before offering your own. This shows that you value their input and are willing to consider their point of view.
- Refrain from dismissing your child’s worries or concerns as trivial or unimportant. Instead, take their issues seriously and address them thoughtfully. Even if their problems seem minor from an adult perspective, they are significant to your child, and showing respect means treating their concerns with the attention they deserve.
- Open-Ended Questions:
Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. This encourages children to express their thoughts and feelings more fully. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” you could ask, “What was the best part of your day?”
Tips
- Craft questions that invite your child to share their feelings and experiences. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good time at school?” you could ask, “What was something fun or interesting that happened at school today?” This encourages a more detailed and thoughtful response.
- Begin your questions with “what” or “how” rather than “did” or “do.” For instance, “What was the best part of your day?” or “How did you feel about the game you played?” These starters naturally prompt more elaborate answers and encourage your child to think and articulate more deeply.
- After your child responds, follow up with prompts that encourage them to expand on their initial answer. For example, if they say they enjoyed a particular class, you could ask, “What did you like most about it?” or “Can you tell me more about what you did?” This shows your interest and helps keep the conversation going.
- Be Approachable and Available
Create a safe environment where your child feels comfortable coming to you with any issue. Be available to talk, especially during routines like bedtime or mealtimes, which can provide opportunities for relaxed conversation.
Tips
- Schedule regular one-on-one time with your child where you can engage in activities they enjoy. This could be a weekly game night, a daily walk, or a bedtime routine. Consistently spending quality time together helps your child feel valued and makes you more approachable.
- When your child wants to talk, give them your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone or work, make eye contact, and listen actively. This demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and that they can come to you anytime.
- Foster an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or punishment. Encourage them to share their experiences and emotions, and respond with empathy and understanding. This openness will make them more likely to approach you with their concerns and joys.
- Positive Reinforcement
Encourage and praise your child when they communicate well. Recognize their efforts in expressing themselves and listen attentively. Positive reinforcement can build their confidence and encourage them to continue communicating openly.
Tips
- When your child exhibits good behavior or makes an effort, acknowledge it with specific praise. Instead of a general “Good job,” say something like, “I really appreciate how you shared your toys with your sibling today,” or “I’m proud of you for working so hard on your homework.” Specific praise helps your child understand exactly what behavior you value.
- Recognize and celebrate your child’s efforts and progress, not just the end results. For example, if your child struggles with a subject but shows improvement, say, “I’ve noticed how much effort you’ve put into your math homework lately, and I’m really proud of your progress.” This encourages a growth mindset and motivates them to keep trying.
- Reinforce positive behavior with non-verbal cues such as smiles, hugs, high-fives, or a thumbs-up. These gestures can be very powerful and convey your approval and support even without words. Non-verbal reinforcement can be particularly effective with younger children or in situations where words might not be necessary.
